What a difference a day makes...

Today has been so much better than yesterday!

My kids have been great today! I actually came in after lunch to find them all sitting silently, reading! So it seems my bollocking of yesterday may have actually had an effect on them! It may also have helped that one of our lessons today was spent playing a computer game - we are investigating quest style adventures with a view to the kids working together to produce their own. I had considered not proceeding with this activity because they were such little shits yesterday, but decided it was important for them to see that I am a very cool teacher and they are damn lucky to have me!

At the end of the day I wrote a note on the board thanking them for a great day and hoping that we have another one tomorrow! (I really hope this improvement continues).

My foot has been less bother today too - I decided that even though my trainers seemed the most sensible footwear to give support, etc., they were actually causing the support bandage to dig into my foot, thus making the discomfort greater. Today I opted for my comfy, old, fave shoes and have been a lot happier in the foot region.

Physio was still annoying though with regards to the two witches (physiotherapists). I have now been labeled as 'the one who cries'. However I got on with all my exercises, smiling as I went, with only the occasional 'ow'. I did at times wonder if what they were making me do was purely for their own amusement - but nevertheless I continued! To be honest I can tell by the way my foot and calf muscle are aching now, that the exercises did do me good. Another sesssion tomorrow - hopefully that one will go well too.

I have just finished making a surprise birthday cake for my friend Katt - it's amazing how many important things I am finding to do rather than write reports. I really must put some effort in over the weekend.

On another note, I am getting used to people not replying to emails I send - it doesn't surprise me, but it still saddens me a little. (Just in case some of you are wondering, this only applies to a very small number of people - not the majority of my beautiful friends). Maybe I am a fool to keep trying...but I still have hope inside me.

Lastly, I have paid for my trip to The Galapagos tonight! I am very excited about going there with my Mum and Dad (who will be here 9 weeks today - woohoo!). It's a lot of money, but then once in a lifetime experiences usually are and to be there with my parents will just be amazing. I miss them both so much, even though we speak regularly via skype. I can't wait to hug them both.

My lovely Mum and Dad
(taken at my leaving party - Dad had had a few!)

Frustration and tears

Today started well, much like any other. However as the day wore on my foot* hurt more and more.

This afternoon I was rehearsing with my class for their assembly on Friday and it was shit. I've been teaching them 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door', with a few kids playing instruments. I spoke to them before break, but they were just as shit after break. I was almost in tears at one point, trying to explain to them that I was in pain and that they were frustrating me. I ended up telling them they are the worst class I've ever had, explaining what my last class were like when it came to performances. I have spoken to these kids everyday this week regarding effort. I also told them that they present an attitude of not caring and not bothering. Hopefully they may actually think about this tonight.

I chirped up after school for a bit because I had choir practise. We've only just started, but a few songs are getting underway already.

I had physio at 5pm - I have to have 10 sessions and it was the second one today.

I was feeling wobbly (emotionally) before I went in and trying to hold back tears. Unfortunately I wasn't able to hold them at bay and started to cry silently when the treatments started. I was managing to hide them quite well until the physiotherapist moved my foot to show me how to exercise it - then I just couldn't stop...my breathing went all stupid and the tears flowed. To make matters worse the other physio called me a baby. I couldn't explain that it was the straw on the camel's back after a shit afternoon. Furthermore, being called a baby made me feel angry, as did the fact that I was given no privacy - this did not help the tears situation. I was overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness and being alone. I wanted my Mum or my man to be there with me. Of course neither was possible - the man situation doesn't exist and my Mum is thousands of miles away.

Most of the time I am fine, but there are days/moments when the knowledge of how far you are from loved ones is just unbearable.

The reality that I am on my own and alone.

Thank god tomorrow is a new day.

*Plastercast came off on Monday.

Been a while...

Since I last wrote. School is very busy at the moment; plans to write; tests to mark; reports to start.

I had a great meeting with Justin last week, we were discussing my targets for this year and having a general chat about work. He was really complimentary about how well I'm doing in the school - it's so lovely to be working somewhere and actually know that you are being appreciated.

Also been quite busy socially, was out at the pub quiz on Wednesday; sushi with Adriana and Mike on Thurs (two of the new teachers); listened to jazz on Friday and then on Saturday had five people here for dinner.

Dinner was lovely - it's the first time I've had people over properly, rather than Lani staying after a Spanish lesson. I made lasagna - safe option - I always know it'll work!! Adriana, Mike, Lani, Nathan and Paul (two students on teaching placements in secondary), came round. We had a lot of fun and laughed lots. The original plan had been to go up to Quito for drinks, but we ended up staying here and watched some hilarious vids on youtube...Adriana has been educating me!! I highly recommend Ricky Gervais' - Gay animals - absolutely hilarious!! We also indulged in a few episodes of Robot Chicken. It's been a long time since I've watched them - probably because me and Pete used to watch them together. There was also some guitar playing from both myself and Nathan.

It's really cool to have new people in school. All three new teachers seem lovely (Tori is the other newbie), Adriana is particularly funny and we have hit it off very well. Mike is kinda eccentric and reminds me a little of Charles Hawtrey from the 'Carry On' films (my Dad helped me out on the actor's name today!). I don't know Tori as well yet because she's only been here a week, but first impressions are good. Nathan and Paul are funny too - they are both from the states and will be here till Easter I think. The great thing is that they all want to go out and do stuff - so hopefully there will be more weekends away over the next few months - first planned (almost) adventure is Mindo in a couple of weeks time hopefully.

Today has been a quiet day - I've been trying to get work done, but prevarication has also been very present. I have marked a load of writing tests - I really hate this job, even though I know it's very necessary. It always makes me question myself and my subject knowledge a lot. Haven't been overly impressed by the kid's work, there is a long way to go before we do SATs in June. I really hope this is the last year that I have to do SATs. I shall collate all the English marks tomorrow to see the kid's levels, then compare them to last year's results and hope that they look sensible!!

Pete has been in my head a lot today - partly because I knew that a mutual friend was seeing him this weekend. I told a friend earlier that I was fine with the situation now and knew that the split and lack of contact was inevitable and necessary. However I guess this is not entirely true. I still really miss him loads. I know that we are both moving on with our lives and I am very happy with my life - I really am. I feel very positive about the future and excited about all the possibilities. But I wish I could share some of it with him again. I guess these moments are inevitable too - part of the grieving process.

Anyway Pete, whatever you're up to, I hope that all is going well, I sincerely do.

A humbling experience...

I arrived in Bańos on Friday evening, after a fairly uneventful 4 hour drive with Claire. We chatted all the way...filling her in on Buenos Aires took about an hour and a half!!

We spent Friday night mostly looking for Claire's sister, but it was also punctuated with meeting people that Claire knew (she used to live in Bańos) and some very good food at Casa Hood. I was introduced to Marcello, Claire's crazy friend who takes people on tours in the jungle. I learnt more than was necessary about the reason he was on antibiotics, but liked him anyway! We eventually found Lucy and Ben when we'd given up looking and were heading home to bed!

On Saturday we set off for Bilbao to deliver some food and clothes that we had collected at school for the people who live there.

On the way we stopped to look at the view. We never actually saw the top of Tunguhuara, but we felt it's presence and saw it's paths of destruction - great grey swathes cutting through an otherwise green and arable land. When Claire first visited these villages, 3 weeks after the eruption in 2006, the rivers were still steaming and the rocks were still hot.

The people in this area are subsistence farmers, but they are unable to farm their land for 8 years after the eruption.

Hidden in the clouds is the top of Tunguhuara Volcano.

Old Man of Bilbao

On arriving in Bilbao, the village appeared to be deserted, apart from a horse, a few dogs and this lovely old man. Claire went off to find the head of the village whilst Lucy and I took photos.

Situated on the roads around Bilbao and in Bilbao itself we saw
many of these signs - warnings about the volcano.

One by one, then all of a sudden, the villagers started to appear - the head of the village had called out to tell them of our arrival. Whilst Claire, Ben and Lucy organised the donations, I continued to take photos of these amazingly resilient people and their gorgeous children.

We learnt that the government in Ecuador had given no help to this village after the eruption and presumably it is the same in the other 16 villages which were most badly affected. They rely on people like us not forgetting them and on aid from other countries. We were thanked profusely for what we brought, yet we felt a little ashamed that we didn't have more.

.At first all the children got in line and we found clothes for each one - holding them up to see if they would fit. Then the adults got in line for their share of food and clothes. They were all so happy to share the items out between the entire village.

We were all quite amused when we found this doll's dress, which obviously wouldn't fit anyone! (The man holding the dress is the head of the village). Another funny moment was when an old lady took a camisole and French knickers - the younger women were laughing and calling, 'Sexy' after her. She looked a little baffled whilst trying to work out the knickers, but I felt sure she would wear them with a little smile on her face.

This guy appeared to be the oldest man in the village, he waited until everybody

else had food before he stepped forward to claim his.

Just before we left, we shook hands with many of the villagers who again gave us thanks and praise.

Driving away I felt incredibly emotional, I really wanted to do more. To go to a supermarket and fill the entire car with things that the villagers need. I felt humbled and quite close to tears. We are all so capable of going around in our own little bubble - I know I am - aware yet not aware of the reality of life for so many people in this world. Many of us live under very priviledged circumstances but just don't realise it. I have known since I arrived in Ecuador that I'm in a very priviledged position and now I realise it even more. For a long time I have tried not to take people or situations for granted, to appreciate what I have and what I'm given, but I realise there is more to do than this. It is difficult because it is just not possible for us to help all the people in Ecuador that are in need, but I sincerely hope that I will be able to go back to Bilbao again.

Fuckwit!

That's what I am! I am sitting here with my foot in plaster because I sprained it in the comfort of my own home last night!

I guess you want the full story...

Well, I was sitting on my sofa wasting time on the internet, as is my want, for quite a long time. I had my right foot tucked up underneath me - think I inherited this sitting habit from one of my grandma's. I stood up to go and get ready to meet my friend Fritha and hadn't realised that my foot had gone completely dead. It kind of buckled and twisted in a weird way and hurt lots! I decided I could walk and still went out. (Had a lovely time with Fritha)

When I got home I checked out the damage and saw that it was very swollen...so I though best apply something cold. Mum always used to have frozen peas to hand for this kind of occasion, but unfortunately I had none, so I placed a cold can of beer against it for a bit, then bandaged it up and went to bed.

This morning I thought I ought to get the school nurse to check it out. She decided I needed to get an x-ray and took me off to the hospital.

At the hospital it was all a bit weird - Alex (school nurse) is lovely and we get on brilliantly, with my minimal Spanish and her minimal English, but it meant I didn't really understand what was going on. I was whisked off for an x-ray, where I was told it wasn't broken, but was quite damaged and I have to be in plaster for 10 days. I've never had a plaster cast before so y'know something else to cross off the list of things I haven't done before.

Back at school reactions varied from kindness and sympathy, to outright hilarity at what I've managed to do to myself. Luckily I have a good sense of humour, which has got me through the day. However I have felt like a twat and am really quite annoyed with myself.

On a different note, I am off to Bańos tomorrow with Claire. I'm really looking forward to it - although it won't be quite the same as if I hadn't buggered my foot. However it is in keeping with my New Year's resolution to see more places.

Lastly...being back at school, well it's alright. I'm missing the people I met in Buenos Aires a lot, but I am getting back into the swing of things here. I really can't complain about life here, I've got it good!

Buenos Aires...

Pics by others...


Me & the lovely Sarah!

New Years Eve Posse! (Dancing the night away at Pacha)

Watching the sunrise on Christmas Day!

Pics by me...

On a wall in Palermo.

Tango in San Telmo

Amazing music along Defensa.

Tango in La Boca.

Disdainful looks in La Boca

Swimming with the beautiful people on Boxing Day! (Parque Norte)

Things I've learnt...

Whilst I've been away:

It seems that I am now open to the idea of a relationship again, although unfortunately I have the same problem as before, that the guy I like lives in another country. Therefore I don't think anything more will happen with this guy, but it's a good headstate to be in.

I need to get to know more people in Ecuador - I loved being able to talk to so many people. I thrive on meeting people and I need to do it more here.

I need music and dancing in my life. I have so enjoyed being part of the rhythm of the music. The freedom I have felt as I have danced in the past couple of weeks has been amazing. I need to make more opportunities for music and dancing here.

I want to travel more. I have met so many lovely people and had invites to stay with them in other parts of the world. The idea of going wandering in the world after I finish my contract here is becoming ever more appealing.

The more I see, the more I want to see.

Time to catch up...

As you can probably tell from the lack of postings over the last week or so...I have been having an amazing time. However now I'm back at home and it's time to catch up on what I've been doing.

So, last time I wrote it was New Year's Day and I was all happy, optimistic and excited about being taken out that evening.

The evening went very well. Unfortunately we didn't get a curry because the place was closed (as were a lot of places on New Year's Day), but I did get an amazing tour of the city and learnt more of the history of some of it. Eventually we found a lovely place where they made fresh pasta. It was a lovely evening of good company and good food.

Friday 2nd Jan:

I went off on my own for a while and went shopping in Palermo. I felt I needed a bit of me time and I bought a fabulous new skirt! I enjoyed wandering around Palermo's tree lined streets and people watching.

When I got back to the hostel lots of people were outside on the street, watching the Dakar Rally go past. I watched a bit and took a few photographs, but to be honest I wasn't really that interested.

I attempted an earlyish night but found it difficult to sleep...eventually made it at about 3am.

Saturday 3rd Jan:

A bit of a strange morning...Claire (lovely scouse girl) and I left the hostel to go to see Maria and Sanne who were having their hair done. About five metres away from the hostel there were two guys who appeared to be eyeing us up. Incredibly quickly one of the guys got on a motorbike and the other snatched Claire's bag and then also got on the bike. I was shocked, it really shook me up, I didn't know what to do. Claire shouted at the guy but he was quite threatening and they took off on the bike. We went back into Milhouse and I was shaking considerably. Freddi (lovely guy who works there) gave us big hugs and poured us both a beer.

It was a really strange feeling, I think I was more shaken than Claire was.

Later on we were trying to decide what to do. I had had various plans to go to other parts of Argentina but was having so much fun in BA that I hadn't actually left. Some of the girls wanted to go to Uruguay to go to the beach, but I wasn't sure. Having had such a lovely time on New Year's Day I wasn't sure whether to stay and spend some more time with the guy. I decided the only thing to do was to be brave and find out...so I went to talk to him. It was awkward because he was working and he intimated that he thought I should go to the beach.

I was a bit gutted. Actually I was quite a lot gutted and had a weird afternoon of questioning myself. Although I did have fun too as a big group of us went out for lunch because it was Skip's birthday. We indulged in some afternoon drinking and didn't get back home till about 9pm.

I also had a tarot reading which was very strange as I couldn't understand most of it, but also it felt like the right thing to do. I can't explain it really.

Back at Milhouse we sat around with a group of people and continued the drinking. After a while a certain person came up and asked if he could have a word. We chatted and I discovered that I hadn't been given the brush off, more that he hadn't wanted me to spend my last few days hanging around waiting for him to finish work. I explained that I am not the kind of girl to just sit around waiting! I was glad to have had the conversation, but kept to my decision of going to the beach...although they were quite a few occasions when I wished I hadn't, it was probably for the best.

We all got changed to go out and then sat around...I got very bored waiting for people to decide what we were doing and in the end decided to do something about it. We headed back to Palermo with recommendations of a place for dancing from Max.

Palermo was fun and then we went to the Crobar. I didn't really like this club, it was too hot and I couldn't get into the music enough. At about 5.30am I decided I was too drunk and got in a taxi to go home.

Sunday 4th Jan:

We were meant to check out at 11am. I woke up at 9.30am because there was an alarm going off in our dorm. Everyone else was comatose! I had a bad hangover and decided to see if breakfast would help.

At 10.30am my mood was getting increasingly bad as I tried to wake Sarah up. However we did manage to check out on time and then sat downstairs in the bar. I know there was one occasion when I said, 'Look if we don't sort something out soon, then I'm bloody staying here!'

Eventually we headed off to the ferry port. I was still in two minds about going and it did turn out to be an expensive trip for 2 days away, but nevermind it was fun too.

We finally arrived at our destination of Punta Del Este late on Sunday night and eventually found a hostel.

Monday 5th Jan:

The day was spent chilling on the beach; cooking some food for the girlies; ringing Mum and Dad purely for the amusement factor of saying, 'Oh by the way, I'm in Uruguay!'

In the evening we went a wandering and found a load of local lads playing guitar down by the harbour. Well I had been missing my guitar somewhat so I asked if I could have a go. We all sat down and jammed and sang for over an hour - it was lovely and made me decide that it had been worth going to the beach.

Back at the hostel we met some more lovely people who had just finished cooking an amazing seafood risotto, mussels and fish...they invited us to join them, so we did.

Tuesday 6th Jan:

We got up and were fed breakfast by the lovely Luis, who fed us the night before. Then we headed to the bus station to sort out our return to BA. This took ages and we ended up with only a couple of hour to spend on the beach. Luckily we hired an umbrella and I actually enjoyed sleeping in the shade for a while.

At about 4pm I headed back to get sorted and also to check my emails. I'd let someone know that I would be back that night...there was a reply saying that he might be able to pick me up. I was chuffed to pieces and the time it took to get back to BA couldn't go quickly enough!

The ferry ride was fun because we met up with Clare and Adam who had been staying in BA with us and another guy joined us who Maria had been talking to on the bus.

Back in BA I looked for the guy but he wasn't there. I rang him and woke him up, told him I'd see him tomorrow.

Feeling gutted (again!) we headed to Ian and Tom's apartment. On arriving we were greeted (at 1am), by amazing food, a bottle of bubbly and a really warm welcome. I very quickly cheered up as we sat in the hot tub on Tom's roof terrace drinking cocktails! I even ate chicken because it looked so good and had been marinating...it was fantastic!

I was also really excited about the possibility of sleeping outside. I have been so hot sleeping inside and also sharing dorm rooms you have to have some sort of clothing on! I lay outside looking at the sky and feeling so happy. Thinking about the guy a bit and feeling highly amused about what I woudl tell him about my night. Also sang a bit and just felt so good about my time in BA.

Whilst outside Sarah came to check on me a couple of times...bless! She wanted to put blankets and stuff over me. I explained how happy I was and that I was fine. I have watched her looking out for people and caring for them the whole time we've been together...I explained I didn't need her to do it for me so she should just be quiet and have a big hug!

Unfortunately after a while I became very aware of the fumes and pollution in the city and had to make my way back inside.

Wed 8th Jan:

Checking my emails there was an apology about the previous night. I was very happy to put not to worry, I had a great night!

Maria and Sarah headed off to the airport, Maria had a flight to Patagonia and Sarah was going to see if she could get one. They dropped me off at Milhouse and we said our goodbyes.

Walking in to Milhouse was great, I got greeted fondly by the staff! It was lovely! I'd missed them all. The guy was there and we had a chat and arranged details for that evening.

I had a shower and when I came out found that Sarah was there, she hadn't managed to get a flight and was trying to decide what to do. We chatted for a bit; made some lunch and then I crashed out on the sofa while she went to make calls and use the internet.

In the evening I headed off with the guy and had another lovely night and a beautiful Thai meal.

Thurs 9th Jan:

Got in a taxi at 8.30am and spent the day travelling home again. It felt quite strange to be travelling home to Ecuador.

Back at home about 10pm I had a 2 hour catch up with Amber! I've missed my sweet little American friend. We had lot to talk about!

Beginnings...

So here we are at the start of another new year. I feel full of optimisim and hope. 2008 was an amazing year for me for many reasons and I feel that 2009 is going to be even better.

I saw the new year in in true Fi style...dancing as the sun rose! In fact I have seen the sunrise for the past 3 days because I have been dancing! I am having a ball here in Buenos Aires and once again have booked another couple of nights in the hostel...now there until Sunday!

I have met some truly amazing people here and am sure that some of them will be people I keep in contact with. Skip and Louise for example...a beautiful Aussie couple; Arad the stunningly gorgeous Israeli girl; Haren and Jayesh...two lovely lads! Also there has been Conn...I really hope we do keep in touch because he is a like minded soul. I particularly hope it works out for him and his lady and that they manage to keep it going over the distance.

So much has happened over the past week, I will try to give you the higlights:

Boxing Day - went swimming in Parque Norte; sat drinking and dancing in Plaza Dorrego, San Telmo till about 5am.

Saturday - walked to San Telmo with Sarah; had a good lunch; shopped. Went to Palermo to meet up with friends of Sarah and Kate. Had a steak in a lovely restaurant where we were very well looked after by our waiter, Ricardo. We felt very Porteńan because we didn´t eat until after 11pm! Met up again with the other guys who were being drunken eejits, decided it wasn´t my thing and went back to the hostel. A relatively early night, asleep by about 3am!

Sunday - San Telmo again, after visiting Alex in hospital (poor lad has meningitis and has spent his whole Christmas in hospital).

San Telmo was buzzing on Sunday with stalls and people and music! I heard a real mix of music: Spanish guitar; ska; a guy going mad on his drum kit and a samba band. I feel like I have been starved of good live music in Ecuador and I am thoroughly enjoying it here!

Late Sunday night we caught the end of a free performance of opera, with a full orchestra. I found it very powerful and actually started to cry as I listened to them singing Silent Night.

I attempted to go to bed at about 1.30am but couldn´t sleep (not helped by lots of thoughts in my head or Damo´s snoring!). So I got up again and met a whole bunch of new people playing pool in the hostel! Got to bed about 5am!

Monday - I went to Recoleta cemetry with Sarah and my new friend Phil (Aussie guy with dreads!). He is hilarious...we laughed our way round the cemetry - not entirely appropriate - trying to decide how we would like our mausoleums to be!

Monday evening - I went to an amazing open air drumming show. It´s on every Monday and as you can probably imagine I went pretty wild with the dancing! Later we all went to the other Millhouse for a party and then danced in a club till about 7am!

Tuesday - The day started fairly late! We went to Palermo sat in a park and had a picnic! On Tuesday evening I chatted and drank beer with Connor and Conn the lovely Irish boys, then we all went to the drum and bass club again. Bedtime was about 7.15am again!

New Year´s Eve - I went to La Boca with a lovely group of people, including Arad. This place is beautiful. The buildings are painted in vibrant colours and there is tango everywhere! We had lunch and watched some amazing dancers!

The evening began after a siesta, with a party in our hostel, then on to Pacha. I was also made a promise by somebody that if they didn´t make it to Pacha then they would take me out tonight!

At Pacha I danced with an amazing array of people! I loved it. I also saw some local girls mouthing off at each other in the toilet...it was hilarious. There are lots of beautiful moments from the night. I communicated with so many people...often just by dancing with them!

So here we are at New Year´s Day and I´ve finally managed to catch up with the last week! I think I may need a siesta again! And in case you are wondering...I´m being taken out for a curry tonight!

Lastly, to all the people who helped make 2008 a very special year for me, thank you. I hope that all your hopes and dreams come true in 2009. Love, light and happiness to you all. xxx