Old Photos...

Me on New Year's Eve 2004
(with the lovely Myles, Lisa & Kelly)

Blimey old photos are a powerful thing! The lovely Lou has put old photos on facebook in the past day or so and there are some of me from the 'Ritchie' years. They've really made me think. I have very few photos from that time because I stopped taking them for a lot of years - it's bizaare and I don't know why, considering how much I love photography.

Looking back at the photos from 2004 these are the thoughts I have:

• My god, I was slim.
• My god, I had no idea of the size I was.
• Part of me wishes I wasn't the size I am now and could turn the clock back to being that size.
• I remember the insecurities I had then which are a lot less now.
• Emotional remembering the night of New Year's Eve 2004, when Ritchie spent most of the night looking at Kelly's arse - which really didn't help my insecurity. Also the night when I was enjoying driving so much, I backed into Myles' truck and broke the light!
• Also memories of a really lovely night spent with good friends back at Lou's house after the Cider Shed.

So a mixture of memories floating about in my head today, both good and bad.

For years I struggled with how I looked, not really understanding or knowing how I did look. I knew that I wasn't large because of the size clothes I was wearing. Yet when I looked in the mirror it was not the slim Fi that I now see in photos that I saw then. Since my size has got bigger again I have found it hard at times but have tried, since I got to Ecuador, not to get hung up on it as I have done in the past. However it is difficult somedays. I know that I am not really badly overweight or huge. I also know that if I do more exercise and exercise more control around food I will lose weight. In addition I know that weight issues are something that I watched my Mum struggle with as I grew up and I can't help but feel that I maybe it's something I worry about more because of that.

Anyway writing it down helps.