Six months!!

I realised today that it's six months since I arrived in Ecuador. It felt quite strange. I do feel that I've been here for a long time, but six months feels like quite a milestone.

I know I'm still on a journey and have no idea where the destination will be. I have another 18 months here and then....?

Part of me feels like running off to a different country now, but that is probably running away. I know there are many more things to see here - I just need to see them!

It's very easy to get caught back into the work trap again, something I didn't want to do after leaving Buenos Aires, but it is inevitable. You get caught into a routine.

I have my last physio session tomorrow - I shall be glad to finish them. I know they are doing me good, but it is a commitment at the end of the day when I'd rather be doing other things.

Oh well off to the beach again in ten days for a long weekend. If it's anything like last time, it'll put the spring back in my step!

Lazy Saturday...

Just what is required.

12.15pm, still not dressed and feeling happy because I've just played with an image and am really happy with the result.

Sleeping Angel

I'm enjoying some quality me time!

Another week goes by...

Since the last post.

Too much report writing and thinking in the last week. Weird dreams and weird moods. Feelings of stress that didn't alleviate till Thursday. Probably my own fault, too much prevaricating on the report front. People wanting decisions about this weekend which I didn't feel ready to give...

Feeling like I wanted to hide, pull the duvet over my head and not get up. Tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone - of course I didn't, but at times it's been tempting!

Feeling unsociable...

Feelings of unhappiness inside - uncomfortable in my own skin.

Trains of thought that were not good to venture down, but kept rearing their ugly heads.

Wondering about teaching...is this where I want to be? Not helped by the kids. The same discussions over and over again about their behaviour.

However on Wednesday night things began to improve. Sushi and a few beers with friends.

Thursday dawned, brighter than previous days. I became excited about the story I am writing with the kids. I finally caught up with Amy and we had a really good chat. Much laughter inside about what we typed as naughty boys had detention in my class. Reports finished on Thursday night - a huge relief.

So here I am at Friday, an easy day in school. Finally this evening a decision about the weekend, but not for long, road conditions means the trip to Mindo will be postponed for another week or so.

So, what to do? I'm not sure, I'll see how I feel in the morning. Feelings from earlier in the week are still lingering - I'm just not sure where I want to be.

What a difference a day makes...

Today has been so much better than yesterday!

My kids have been great today! I actually came in after lunch to find them all sitting silently, reading! So it seems my bollocking of yesterday may have actually had an effect on them! It may also have helped that one of our lessons today was spent playing a computer game - we are investigating quest style adventures with a view to the kids working together to produce their own. I had considered not proceeding with this activity because they were such little shits yesterday, but decided it was important for them to see that I am a very cool teacher and they are damn lucky to have me!

At the end of the day I wrote a note on the board thanking them for a great day and hoping that we have another one tomorrow! (I really hope this improvement continues).

My foot has been less bother today too - I decided that even though my trainers seemed the most sensible footwear to give support, etc., they were actually causing the support bandage to dig into my foot, thus making the discomfort greater. Today I opted for my comfy, old, fave shoes and have been a lot happier in the foot region.

Physio was still annoying though with regards to the two witches (physiotherapists). I have now been labeled as 'the one who cries'. However I got on with all my exercises, smiling as I went, with only the occasional 'ow'. I did at times wonder if what they were making me do was purely for their own amusement - but nevertheless I continued! To be honest I can tell by the way my foot and calf muscle are aching now, that the exercises did do me good. Another sesssion tomorrow - hopefully that one will go well too.

I have just finished making a surprise birthday cake for my friend Katt - it's amazing how many important things I am finding to do rather than write reports. I really must put some effort in over the weekend.

On another note, I am getting used to people not replying to emails I send - it doesn't surprise me, but it still saddens me a little. (Just in case some of you are wondering, this only applies to a very small number of people - not the majority of my beautiful friends). Maybe I am a fool to keep trying...but I still have hope inside me.

Lastly, I have paid for my trip to The Galapagos tonight! I am very excited about going there with my Mum and Dad (who will be here 9 weeks today - woohoo!). It's a lot of money, but then once in a lifetime experiences usually are and to be there with my parents will just be amazing. I miss them both so much, even though we speak regularly via skype. I can't wait to hug them both.

My lovely Mum and Dad
(taken at my leaving party - Dad had had a few!)

Frustration and tears

Today started well, much like any other. However as the day wore on my foot* hurt more and more.

This afternoon I was rehearsing with my class for their assembly on Friday and it was shit. I've been teaching them 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door', with a few kids playing instruments. I spoke to them before break, but they were just as shit after break. I was almost in tears at one point, trying to explain to them that I was in pain and that they were frustrating me. I ended up telling them they are the worst class I've ever had, explaining what my last class were like when it came to performances. I have spoken to these kids everyday this week regarding effort. I also told them that they present an attitude of not caring and not bothering. Hopefully they may actually think about this tonight.

I chirped up after school for a bit because I had choir practise. We've only just started, but a few songs are getting underway already.

I had physio at 5pm - I have to have 10 sessions and it was the second one today.

I was feeling wobbly (emotionally) before I went in and trying to hold back tears. Unfortunately I wasn't able to hold them at bay and started to cry silently when the treatments started. I was managing to hide them quite well until the physiotherapist moved my foot to show me how to exercise it - then I just couldn't stop...my breathing went all stupid and the tears flowed. To make matters worse the other physio called me a baby. I couldn't explain that it was the straw on the camel's back after a shit afternoon. Furthermore, being called a baby made me feel angry, as did the fact that I was given no privacy - this did not help the tears situation. I was overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness and being alone. I wanted my Mum or my man to be there with me. Of course neither was possible - the man situation doesn't exist and my Mum is thousands of miles away.

Most of the time I am fine, but there are days/moments when the knowledge of how far you are from loved ones is just unbearable.

The reality that I am on my own and alone.

Thank god tomorrow is a new day.

*Plastercast came off on Monday.

Been a while...

Since I last wrote. School is very busy at the moment; plans to write; tests to mark; reports to start.

I had a great meeting with Justin last week, we were discussing my targets for this year and having a general chat about work. He was really complimentary about how well I'm doing in the school - it's so lovely to be working somewhere and actually know that you are being appreciated.

Also been quite busy socially, was out at the pub quiz on Wednesday; sushi with Adriana and Mike on Thurs (two of the new teachers); listened to jazz on Friday and then on Saturday had five people here for dinner.

Dinner was lovely - it's the first time I've had people over properly, rather than Lani staying after a Spanish lesson. I made lasagna - safe option - I always know it'll work!! Adriana, Mike, Lani, Nathan and Paul (two students on teaching placements in secondary), came round. We had a lot of fun and laughed lots. The original plan had been to go up to Quito for drinks, but we ended up staying here and watched some hilarious vids on youtube...Adriana has been educating me!! I highly recommend Ricky Gervais' - Gay animals - absolutely hilarious!! We also indulged in a few episodes of Robot Chicken. It's been a long time since I've watched them - probably because me and Pete used to watch them together. There was also some guitar playing from both myself and Nathan.

It's really cool to have new people in school. All three new teachers seem lovely (Tori is the other newbie), Adriana is particularly funny and we have hit it off very well. Mike is kinda eccentric and reminds me a little of Charles Hawtrey from the 'Carry On' films (my Dad helped me out on the actor's name today!). I don't know Tori as well yet because she's only been here a week, but first impressions are good. Nathan and Paul are funny too - they are both from the states and will be here till Easter I think. The great thing is that they all want to go out and do stuff - so hopefully there will be more weekends away over the next few months - first planned (almost) adventure is Mindo in a couple of weeks time hopefully.

Today has been a quiet day - I've been trying to get work done, but prevarication has also been very present. I have marked a load of writing tests - I really hate this job, even though I know it's very necessary. It always makes me question myself and my subject knowledge a lot. Haven't been overly impressed by the kid's work, there is a long way to go before we do SATs in June. I really hope this is the last year that I have to do SATs. I shall collate all the English marks tomorrow to see the kid's levels, then compare them to last year's results and hope that they look sensible!!

Pete has been in my head a lot today - partly because I knew that a mutual friend was seeing him this weekend. I told a friend earlier that I was fine with the situation now and knew that the split and lack of contact was inevitable and necessary. However I guess this is not entirely true. I still really miss him loads. I know that we are both moving on with our lives and I am very happy with my life - I really am. I feel very positive about the future and excited about all the possibilities. But I wish I could share some of it with him again. I guess these moments are inevitable too - part of the grieving process.

Anyway Pete, whatever you're up to, I hope that all is going well, I sincerely do.

A humbling experience...

I arrived in Bańos on Friday evening, after a fairly uneventful 4 hour drive with Claire. We chatted all the way...filling her in on Buenos Aires took about an hour and a half!!

We spent Friday night mostly looking for Claire's sister, but it was also punctuated with meeting people that Claire knew (she used to live in Bańos) and some very good food at Casa Hood. I was introduced to Marcello, Claire's crazy friend who takes people on tours in the jungle. I learnt more than was necessary about the reason he was on antibiotics, but liked him anyway! We eventually found Lucy and Ben when we'd given up looking and were heading home to bed!

On Saturday we set off for Bilbao to deliver some food and clothes that we had collected at school for the people who live there.

On the way we stopped to look at the view. We never actually saw the top of Tunguhuara, but we felt it's presence and saw it's paths of destruction - great grey swathes cutting through an otherwise green and arable land. When Claire first visited these villages, 3 weeks after the eruption in 2006, the rivers were still steaming and the rocks were still hot.

The people in this area are subsistence farmers, but they are unable to farm their land for 8 years after the eruption.

Hidden in the clouds is the top of Tunguhuara Volcano.

Old Man of Bilbao

On arriving in Bilbao, the village appeared to be deserted, apart from a horse, a few dogs and this lovely old man. Claire went off to find the head of the village whilst Lucy and I took photos.

Situated on the roads around Bilbao and in Bilbao itself we saw
many of these signs - warnings about the volcano.

One by one, then all of a sudden, the villagers started to appear - the head of the village had called out to tell them of our arrival. Whilst Claire, Ben and Lucy organised the donations, I continued to take photos of these amazingly resilient people and their gorgeous children.

We learnt that the government in Ecuador had given no help to this village after the eruption and presumably it is the same in the other 16 villages which were most badly affected. They rely on people like us not forgetting them and on aid from other countries. We were thanked profusely for what we brought, yet we felt a little ashamed that we didn't have more.

.At first all the children got in line and we found clothes for each one - holding them up to see if they would fit. Then the adults got in line for their share of food and clothes. They were all so happy to share the items out between the entire village.

We were all quite amused when we found this doll's dress, which obviously wouldn't fit anyone! (The man holding the dress is the head of the village). Another funny moment was when an old lady took a camisole and French knickers - the younger women were laughing and calling, 'Sexy' after her. She looked a little baffled whilst trying to work out the knickers, but I felt sure she would wear them with a little smile on her face.

This guy appeared to be the oldest man in the village, he waited until everybody

else had food before he stepped forward to claim his.

Just before we left, we shook hands with many of the villagers who again gave us thanks and praise.

Driving away I felt incredibly emotional, I really wanted to do more. To go to a supermarket and fill the entire car with things that the villagers need. I felt humbled and quite close to tears. We are all so capable of going around in our own little bubble - I know I am - aware yet not aware of the reality of life for so many people in this world. Many of us live under very priviledged circumstances but just don't realise it. I have known since I arrived in Ecuador that I'm in a very priviledged position and now I realise it even more. For a long time I have tried not to take people or situations for granted, to appreciate what I have and what I'm given, but I realise there is more to do than this. It is difficult because it is just not possible for us to help all the people in Ecuador that are in need, but I sincerely hope that I will be able to go back to Bilbao again.